[Table #1/Prompt #13: Test] Friends: 'Substitution'

[but_can_i_be_trusted]

Title: 'Substitution'
Fandom: Friends
Prompt: Table #1/Prompt #13: Test
Character/Pairing: Phoebe Buffay, Monica Geller, Ross Geller, Chandler Bing
Rating: G
Summary:
Authors Notes: Fic = Mine. Characters = Not Mine. Crossposted to adventdrabbles for December 18th. Also, I have never had champagne or sparkling grape juice, so I don't know whether or not one can be substituted for the other without anyone noticing; I apologize for any inaccuracies that may result.

"Phoebe!"

Monica's panicked hiss pulled Phoebe into the kitchen area. "What's the matter, Mon?"

Holding up a bottle, Monica leaned in close, her eyes darting into the living area in the hope that they wouldn't be overheard. "You haven't been serving anybody champagne during the entire party," she whispered. "This is sparkling white grape juice!"

Phoebe snickered. "I know!"

Stunned, Monica gaped at her, setting the bottle back down. "You know?!"

"Relax; I brought real champagne, too." Still giggling slyly, Phoebe went for her purse, an oversize, fringe-covered number, and pulled out a bottle. "I was just testing to see how long it'd be before anybody noticed." She shook her head in teasing dismay. "Two whole hours. Either this is a great Christmas party, or everybody's really stupid. I also wanted to see if anybody would still get loaded."

"But, Pheebs, this stuff's non-alcoholic," Monica told her.

Phoebe beamed. "Exactly! I'm trying out the placebo effect! And it works!" Nodding toward the Christmas tree by the window, she fought back hysterical giggles.

There, Ross and Chandler were huddled. They swayed drunkenly now and then, often blowing on the tree's tinsel and letting out girlish squeals of delight as it sparkled. Other guests, evidently not affected, steered clear of them, apart from staring at them in varying stages of amusement and confusion.

"Oh, for God's sake!" Snatching the bottle off the counter, she stomped over to the pair. "You're getting buzzed off of nothing," she shouted at them, shoving the bottle into Ross's hand. "Phoebe decided to substitute champagne for this stuff! You're not even drunk, you idiots!"

While Ross settled for sheepishly smiling, Chandler came to their shared defense.

"I beg to di--" He hiccupped. "Differ. We are as--hic!--drunk as verrrry sober skunks! Skober sunks?" To prove his point, he held up a beer can. "We snuck this stuff in when you weren't looking."

"Ohhh," Phoebe wailed--startling the trio, as none of them had noticed her coming up behind Monica. "Then that means my experiment failed?"

"Tha'ssss why you should always leave ssssshience to the professssssssssionals," Ross drawled, proceeding to fall out of his chair.