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100promptsTitle: I Don't Mean It
Fandom: Harry Potter
Prompt: #021 Friendship [Table #3]
Character/Pairing: Severus Snape/Lily Evans
Rating: G
Word Count: 1358
Summary: Snape has said a terrible thing to Lily and regrets it immediately.
Authors Notes This is a one-shot written for a series I am starting called "Into The Pensieve: A First Wizarding War Harry Potter Fic" found here
Disclaimer: These characters belong to J.K. Rowling.
He regretted it the moment the words tumbled out of his mouth. He remembered the thought formulating in his mind, but he didn’t actually plan on saying it out loud. And certainly not to her. Never to her. He didn’t even mean it. Lily had been his best friends since before they’d gotten their letters to Hogwarts. He knew her before she even knew herself. She had to know that he didn’t mean it!
Get away from me, you, you, mudblood!
His gut twisted when he thought about the look on her face. Disbelief. Shock. Sadness. Anger. The sadness got him the most. For a moment, just a moment her face crumpled, and he could see her eyes grow wet with tears. He hated that word now. Mudblood. Acid burned the back of his throat at the thought of it.
Why did you say it, Severus? He scolded himself. In all the years that he and Lily had been friends, it never once occurred to him to call her that name. They’d argued plenty of times and he didn’t ever think to call her that. And this wasn’t an argument. She was trying to help him because that damn Potter boy and his wayward friends were picking on him again. Lily always came to his defense and he always came to hers. Although, she didn’t need much protecting. Lily Evans was a powerful witch in her own right, one of Hogwarts strongest and loved.
That’s why he couldn’t understand why she started talking to Potter and his miscreants. They were all pure bloods who couldn’t hold a candle to him or Lily. He just couldn’t understand it all. He blamed that posturing peacock, James Potter for causing the rift between he and Lily. They were well into their 7th year and she barely spoke to him anymore. Any time he tried to talk about it with her, she either begged off or made some comment about the company he was keeping.
Perhaps it seemed odd to her that he’d gotten close to Lucius Malfoy, Bellatrix, and Rodolphus. They had never been too partial to him and he felt the same way about them. He and Lily were best friends until the past school year. She was his only friend. She could never understand what it was like to finally be accepted. Everyone loved Lily. She was the kindest soul he’d ever met. And out of all the people she could have chosen to be hear closest friend, she had chosen him. Severus counted himself lucky to have that spot in her heart. So, it hurt him that he couldn’t share with her some of the things he’d learned.
Whenever he tried to talk to her about anything, she would start with the same question: are you still friends with them? The contempt in her voice was palatable. Why couldn’t she understand that something was happening? It was brewing beneath the surface and everyone in the wizarding world could feel it. Lucius warned him that only the right kind of wizards would survive. After years of being the wrong kind, he wanted to be the “right kind.” And he wanted Lily by his side just like always.
But first he had to apologize. He wondered if he should bring her something. A token perhaps? No, Lily never liked those kinds of gestures. Little baubles and gifts never impressed her. She liked things that came from the heart. If only she knew she had his heart. She always did.
Flowers. She always did like flowers. Severus looked out the window. Winter had turned everything around Hogwarts into a forest of snarling empty trees. Ah! No, he knew what to do. It was the thing that brought them together all those years ago. He had to remind her.
++++
Severus waited for her outside of the Gryffindor quarters. The fat lady wouldn’t let him get by without the password. He had to endure the curious stares from her housemates. Lily was a Prefect this year and he was sure she had duties to attend to as head girl. So, he vowed to wait no matter how long it took.
“Severus… what are you doing here?” Lily asked as she rounded the last staircase to Gryffindor house.
“Lily… I…” He scrambled frantically in his robes for the broken flower he’d found outside the castle. “I brought you this!” he said when he presented her with a wilted flower.
Lily looked at the forlorn thing before her eyes met his again. “A dead flower?”
His skin colored. “I—I wanted to show—you,” he stammered. Severus waved his long thin fingers over the sad flower. Slowly the petals became a deep, vibrant shade of purple, and the stem straightened up again. He looked up and stretched his hand out, so she could take it.
Lily blinked her eyes several times but didn’t move from her spot at the top of the stairs. “It’s very pretty, Severus. But why are you here?” Her words were crusted with ice.
“Do you remember?” He asked, his voice low.
“Of course, I do.” Softer now. “But that was a long time ago. I’m sure you don’t want to be seen with a mudblood like me” she said.
Despite her words, he could hear the hurt in her voice. “Lily, I didn’t mean that! I was—”
“Yes, you did,” she said firmly. “I’ve seen you with your new friends Severus. You’re nothing but bullies and elitist.”
“But I didn’t mean it about you. You’re not like the rest of them.”
Lily stepped closer. There was anger and hurt in her eyes. “The rest of who? Muggleborn? You sound like a, like a,” her voice dropped low. “Death eater,” she spat.
Severus colored again. He wasn’t officially a death eater…yet. He still needed The Dark Lord’s mark. “Lily, you’re my best friend,” he said changing the subject.
“No, I’m not, Severus. Not anymore. You’ve become hateful and mean. And I don’t like it. I told you how I felt about that word. It’s not the first time I’ve been called that by a Slytherin. But I never thought I’d hear it from you.”
“I’m sorry…” Severus dropped his head. “I was angry at Potter and then, you, I—it slipped out.”
“You have to think it first before you say it, Severus. Now, I know what you think of me. What you’ve always thought of me.”
“That’s not true!”
“Isn’t it? I’ve never once thought anything cruel about you. Even after everything last year. Remember, I know your secret, Sev,” she said, using her old nickname for him. “I’ve never told anyone. And I never will. I’ll also never hold it over your head. That’s what friends do. I thought we were still friends. I guess I was wrong.” She stepped around him.
“Lily, wait! What I said to you was rubbish. And I am sorry. Can’t you forgive me?”
Lily sighed. “I already have. You hurt me today, Sev. I don’t think I can ever forget that… Now, if you please, I have to study for tomorrow’s potions quiz.”
Severus took a step back. He knew he was up against a brick wall now. Once the wall was up, it was hard to get around it. She waited until he was on the stairs before whispering the password to the fat lady. He stared after the picture for a long time after she disappeared behind it.
“I have a song that might cheer you up,” the woman in the portrait said.
Severus shook his head. He was not in the mood to hear bad singing. He just lost his very, best friend for good.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Prompt: #021 Friendship [Table #3]
Character/Pairing: Severus Snape/Lily Evans
Rating: G
Word Count: 1358
Summary: Snape has said a terrible thing to Lily and regrets it immediately.
Authors Notes This is a one-shot written for a series I am starting called "Into The Pensieve: A First Wizarding War Harry Potter Fic" found here
Disclaimer: These characters belong to J.K. Rowling.
He regretted it the moment the words tumbled out of his mouth. He remembered the thought formulating in his mind, but he didn’t actually plan on saying it out loud. And certainly not to her. Never to her. He didn’t even mean it. Lily had been his best friends since before they’d gotten their letters to Hogwarts. He knew her before she even knew herself. She had to know that he didn’t mean it!
Get away from me, you, you, mudblood!
His gut twisted when he thought about the look on her face. Disbelief. Shock. Sadness. Anger. The sadness got him the most. For a moment, just a moment her face crumpled, and he could see her eyes grow wet with tears. He hated that word now. Mudblood. Acid burned the back of his throat at the thought of it.
Why did you say it, Severus? He scolded himself. In all the years that he and Lily had been friends, it never once occurred to him to call her that name. They’d argued plenty of times and he didn’t ever think to call her that. And this wasn’t an argument. She was trying to help him because that damn Potter boy and his wayward friends were picking on him again. Lily always came to his defense and he always came to hers. Although, she didn’t need much protecting. Lily Evans was a powerful witch in her own right, one of Hogwarts strongest and loved.
That’s why he couldn’t understand why she started talking to Potter and his miscreants. They were all pure bloods who couldn’t hold a candle to him or Lily. He just couldn’t understand it all. He blamed that posturing peacock, James Potter for causing the rift between he and Lily. They were well into their 7th year and she barely spoke to him anymore. Any time he tried to talk about it with her, she either begged off or made some comment about the company he was keeping.
Perhaps it seemed odd to her that he’d gotten close to Lucius Malfoy, Bellatrix, and Rodolphus. They had never been too partial to him and he felt the same way about them. He and Lily were best friends until the past school year. She was his only friend. She could never understand what it was like to finally be accepted. Everyone loved Lily. She was the kindest soul he’d ever met. And out of all the people she could have chosen to be hear closest friend, she had chosen him. Severus counted himself lucky to have that spot in her heart. So, it hurt him that he couldn’t share with her some of the things he’d learned.
Whenever he tried to talk to her about anything, she would start with the same question: are you still friends with them? The contempt in her voice was palatable. Why couldn’t she understand that something was happening? It was brewing beneath the surface and everyone in the wizarding world could feel it. Lucius warned him that only the right kind of wizards would survive. After years of being the wrong kind, he wanted to be the “right kind.” And he wanted Lily by his side just like always.
But first he had to apologize. He wondered if he should bring her something. A token perhaps? No, Lily never liked those kinds of gestures. Little baubles and gifts never impressed her. She liked things that came from the heart. If only she knew she had his heart. She always did.
Flowers. She always did like flowers. Severus looked out the window. Winter had turned everything around Hogwarts into a forest of snarling empty trees. Ah! No, he knew what to do. It was the thing that brought them together all those years ago. He had to remind her.
++++
Severus waited for her outside of the Gryffindor quarters. The fat lady wouldn’t let him get by without the password. He had to endure the curious stares from her housemates. Lily was a Prefect this year and he was sure she had duties to attend to as head girl. So, he vowed to wait no matter how long it took.
“Severus… what are you doing here?” Lily asked as she rounded the last staircase to Gryffindor house.
“Lily… I…” He scrambled frantically in his robes for the broken flower he’d found outside the castle. “I brought you this!” he said when he presented her with a wilted flower.
Lily looked at the forlorn thing before her eyes met his again. “A dead flower?”
His skin colored. “I—I wanted to show—you,” he stammered. Severus waved his long thin fingers over the sad flower. Slowly the petals became a deep, vibrant shade of purple, and the stem straightened up again. He looked up and stretched his hand out, so she could take it.
Lily blinked her eyes several times but didn’t move from her spot at the top of the stairs. “It’s very pretty, Severus. But why are you here?” Her words were crusted with ice.
“Do you remember?” He asked, his voice low.
“Of course, I do.” Softer now. “But that was a long time ago. I’m sure you don’t want to be seen with a mudblood like me” she said.
Despite her words, he could hear the hurt in her voice. “Lily, I didn’t mean that! I was—”
“Yes, you did,” she said firmly. “I’ve seen you with your new friends Severus. You’re nothing but bullies and elitist.”
“But I didn’t mean it about you. You’re not like the rest of them.”
Lily stepped closer. There was anger and hurt in her eyes. “The rest of who? Muggleborn? You sound like a, like a,” her voice dropped low. “Death eater,” she spat.
Severus colored again. He wasn’t officially a death eater…yet. He still needed The Dark Lord’s mark. “Lily, you’re my best friend,” he said changing the subject.
“No, I’m not, Severus. Not anymore. You’ve become hateful and mean. And I don’t like it. I told you how I felt about that word. It’s not the first time I’ve been called that by a Slytherin. But I never thought I’d hear it from you.”
“I’m sorry…” Severus dropped his head. “I was angry at Potter and then, you, I—it slipped out.”
“You have to think it first before you say it, Severus. Now, I know what you think of me. What you’ve always thought of me.”
“That’s not true!”
“Isn’t it? I’ve never once thought anything cruel about you. Even after everything last year. Remember, I know your secret, Sev,” she said, using her old nickname for him. “I’ve never told anyone. And I never will. I’ll also never hold it over your head. That’s what friends do. I thought we were still friends. I guess I was wrong.” She stepped around him.
“Lily, wait! What I said to you was rubbish. And I am sorry. Can’t you forgive me?”
Lily sighed. “I already have. You hurt me today, Sev. I don’t think I can ever forget that… Now, if you please, I have to study for tomorrow’s potions quiz.”
Severus took a step back. He knew he was up against a brick wall now. Once the wall was up, it was hard to get around it. She waited until he was on the stairs before whispering the password to the fat lady. He stared after the picture for a long time after she disappeared behind it.
“I have a song that might cheer you up,” the woman in the portrait said.
Severus shook his head. He was not in the mood to hear bad singing. He just lost his very, best friend for good.
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Date: 2018-12-09 01:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-12-09 04:52 am (UTC)